Nerve Dating Confessions

Can I ask you a question? Seriously, if you are a woman in her twenties in a major metropolitan area there are zillions of guys that you can meet after work who wears suits, have careers, and all that stuff. In fact, many more men than women and pretty much you are going to get hit on if you have a pulse. So what is the problem???

To be fair, the 21 c will be the female century in industrialized nations. Men are now competing against Asian nations AND women.

It's been like that for almost 30 years.

It's not about getting hit on or not. It has to be the right person, and it's hard to find the right person you click with.

When a confessions says "I need a ... man" the first implicit requirement is "who turns me on" and then "by being out of my league", and all the other requirements are rather less important. Because very few women can stand being touched by a man who does not turn them on and very few women can bear the humiliation of settling for someone in their league. No matter his other qualities.

Please spare me. Between all the guys you could meet in bars, online, and through evening classes, there isn't anyone decent? Well if you want a hedge fund manager who looks like a model, speaks three languages, and was in the Olympics, sorry but that is .00001% of the population. I work in a large accounting firm and there are lots of young, educated guys looking for someone.

My comment and @le's comment are somewhat complementary: all those young educated guys in accounting just "smell dowdy" to women. They are probably perceived as non-edgy, non-thrilling, non-exciting dutiful average bores who don't turn women on, but may be last resort for settling when those women turn 35-40. Most women want better than that, which is not necessarily the hedge fund manager who looks like a model, it could be the penniless and drug addicted but thrillingly self-centered drummer in a going-nowhere band. The pussy wants what the pussy drips for.

It's sad that when women post confessions here about their hopes and desires, the comments are inevitably intensely misogynist, loaded with assumptions, and disappointing. Yet when guys post confessions about their hopes, they're usually either left alone or met with empathy. Read my confession. Did I talk about looks at all? No. Do I care what a man does for a living? Accounting, farming, teaching? No. Because I'm not shallow. I try not to judge books by their covers. Plain and simple. I suggest you try doing the same.

@OP, I am not trying to be a misogynist but the "where are the good men" lament gets old. There are lots of hard working guys who could make you and other women happy. But many women don't even give them a chance.

Well, I know it might sound old and trite, but I honestly try to be open minded, friendly, but I can't seem to find someone. I would love to meet one of those hard working guys you talk about @Le. I guess I'm not looking in the right places. Where do they hang out? I would love to be pointed in the right direction.

1) Alumni events - people who went to the same school naturally have something in common. Depending on whether your college had sports, there are gatherings around this or speakers or visiting professors. Key thing is, these situations are casual and everyone is friendly. 2) Industry groups - I'm in accounting so there are always networking meetings but there are organizations in advertising, marketing, you name it. Participants are interested in meeting new people and it's career driven, which is another benefit. 3) Sports leagues - we have people here who play volleyball, softball, etc. on mixed men/women teams. Good exercise and people have fun. 4) Book clubs - don't laugh but at least you know the people have some kind of intellectual bend. 5) Night classes - both NYC and Chicago have outlets for anyone who wants to learn a language or cooking or how to start a business or whatever. OK, just listed five tangible options so get out there tomorrow! Seriously, wishing the best and hope that 2013 is the year that you find what you are look for.

Those are very tangible options! Getting out there now! Thank you @Le. Your kind words mean more than you know.