Nerve Dating Confessions

Why would he get mad at you for that? He should be sad when you cry. Sound mentally abusive to me.

Fuck him; crying is a healthy way to release your emotions.

Yeah, my ex used to tell me crying was women's way of emotionally blackmailing men and he wouldn't stand for it, because if he raised his voice and expressed emotion and a neighbor heard and called the police, he would get slapped with a DV charge. (Eventually, he did get a DV charge when he punched a girl he was cheating on me with and broke her ribs.)

It's as if he is angry with himself for making me cry, for saying/doing something intentional/unintentional, and the anger just boils over. Then he withdraws, he shuts me out, he won't talk to me. And all because I react to some situations by bursting into tears. I can't help it. It's just how I am sometimes.

Op you need to recognize that he isn't angry at himeslf for making you cry. He's angry at you! He doesn't want to have to deal with your emotions so leaves with the expectation that they will simply go away and won't need to be addressed.

Yes, that's exactly what it is. You've made him feel guilty or angry and he can't deal with it, so he calls it manipulation and blame-shifts back to you. It's socially acceptable for women to cry. Men have nowhere to express that other than anger and withdrawal. He might have had an emotionally expressive mother and this was how he learned to cope with her, or that's how he watched his father cope with her. As infants, we learn to cry as a way to ask for help- to help with hunger or other discomfort, but also for emotional help, closeness. He can't or won't give that to you, so he's taking a time out from the situation. But he can't tell you that you can't cry. That is abuse.

Well, it's a bit bizarre that he's been freezing me out for the past week, simply because he spoke to me in a really brusque tone of voice, and I just began to cry, I couldn't help it. What am I supposed to do? The other thing is I think he assumes that every time a person cries, it's because they have some kind of "secret agenda." Turns out: that's not how I think! I don't treat people that way! Argh this is frustrating situation.

well maybe he's just annoyed. I'm a real person. Sometimes I raise my voice or use a brusque tone of voice. Doesn't mean I'm going to punch you. If you're going to burst into tears at the drop of a hat how the fuck am I supposed to air my grievances? You can't yell at a crying woman, which means you can never have a real argument, which means you can never make up for a real argument. Which means that you never really hear his complaint. Which means that maybe you are incompatible

Gotta agree with yp. Women can cry when they are wrong too.

Its not frustrating you just need to leave him. Sorry. He might be a good guy in a lot of ways but he needs to grow up, and sometimes only a shock to the system can catalyze someone to change their outlook. It was the same way with my ex - if I cried, got upset, if I communicated something... It was all in the name of my secret and invisible agenda. Ultimately it bellied a complete lack of trust and a lack of faith in me. There was no communication with regard to her feelings, until well after they had warped to bitterness and anger. Anger once set in does not quickly go away, and though it can be denied it will always surface again stronger. He can't control his anger so he tries to control you - a red flag if there was ever one. In the end this behaviour will only make you doubt yourself and grow more insecure and frustrated.

@yp- I can admit that at times I can be annoyed when my wife cries over what I perceive to be little things. But I have never gotten mad at her for crying, especially if I was the one who made her cry. And just because the op is crying doesn't mean that can't still have the argument. Just means she is emotional, some people are like that. Her bf can be annoyed with her crying, but getting angry at her for it seems dumb.

I just can't fathom getting mad at a crying female. In fact it is probably my greatest weakness- my heart just melts and if I caused her to cry my day is ruined.

yp is right. Look, when someone is crying, the default response is to feel and show concern, not anger. But if someone cries every time you disagree with her civilly, then she is in effect silencing you, manipulating you into submission. And that can make you mad. You have to figure it out.

I am with you MGW. Any time I have caused an SO/GF/ wife to cry I get mad, but bad at myself. I am weak to a crying women, cry and you can have your way with me. My ex wife cried when she admitted to me she was having an affair, and I tried to hug her. Shows you how jacked up I am.

My ex would say and do things that upset me (like calling me names), and I would cry, and then he would get angry and say I had no sense of humor. That's why he's my ex. If someone you love is having an emotional reaction, the least you can do is try and understand why. If they are crying because you got upset at them for something they did wrong, and they are sorry, the tears should make you feel better...it's a sign of genuine remorse. Maybe there are some guys who think women can "make themselves cry" without feeling any guilt, but those guys are paranoid and have weird ideas and need professional help before they can be in a healthy relationship.

My ex was exactly the same and had the same paranoid thoughts that I was trying to manipulate him when really i was just responding to what I now understand to be verbal bullying and abuse. He also used to say that it would toughen me up and I was weak. I have a supportive partner now. He comforts me when I cry and tells me gently how he's feeling if he's upset with me. I am stronger now than I ever was when I was being abused. Crying is a normal healthy response to unkindness.

@vl ... if someone is crying every time .... SOMETHING ELSE IS WRONG! The couple needs to split.

Yes, I agree with you @aos, crying IS a normal way to respond to unkindness. We have debates, arguments, differing points of view. Of course he is free to express his views whenever he wishes. It’s just that crying for me is how I react to shock. If someone treats me in a rude manner, even in public, I usually burst into tears. Believe me, this is something about myself that I wish I could change, but I can’t. He doesn’t like this about me, now he keeps talking about having to handle me with “kid gloves,” which isn’t true and isn’t fair.

Bitches be cryin'