Nerve Dating Confessions

Hooked* oops

People talk about love as though it were so unique and special that once it happens we can never fall in love again. The word is then consistently overused and applied to all kinds of situations and relationships. So, paradoxically, it at once implies an idealized and impossible notion of perfection, and yet a generality. The truth, I think, is far more complex. Once you fall in love with one person its often more difficult to love anyone else, because of the constraints on your time and energy that make it hard to invest that heavily into anyone else. However I have always felt, emotionally, that being in love makes it easier to feel free and liberated with intimacy. Your situation is, however, pretty easy to predict and advice... this person self identifies as straight, and whether or not that is an accurate description given her behaviour, you can't afford to put yourself in a situation where you are trying to struggle against her sense of identity, to impose your own values in terms of what makes or does not make a person gay or straight. She may not hold too tightly to that identity when it comes to sex, but when it comes to building a relationship you're going to find yourself perpetually at odds. Don't romanticise the notion that love is somehow special or can somehow redefine everything, and along with it redefine her sexuality, because the truth is that what you feel that you want is always going to be in conflict with her definition of her own sexuality and romantic proclivities... and there's a reason no one dates closet cases, and a reason we always get hurt when we're young and dating equally young confused people; because its like going back into the closet yourself, being restricted and closed, and much like an affair the sense of secrecy can be exciting for a short time but is ultimately exhausting and frustrating and just makes oneself more vulnerable and mixed up as a consequence of having your energies thusly short circuited.

Thank you OP, for writing such an insightful message. You're absolutely right. Let's just hope I let go of this feeling fast. :) Cheers.