Nerve Dating Confessions

Even though you wrote that with a touch of bitterness, it really isn't a bad idea. Looking out for yourself makes sure you are in a better place emotionally, because you are meeting your own needs first, which makes you better for those in your life and who have contact with you. It shows others how they should treat you - with respect. And if you meet your own needs, you don't need anyone else to do it, so they are in your life because you want them to be, not because you need them. I also don't mean do it all costs. Now if you have not done that so far, the way people have treated you has not been your fault. What it is is an insurance policy or safety net against people having the opportunity to mistreat you. You may find life more satisfying.

I'd put it a little differently: the moment people display disregard for your human dignity, kick 'em to the curb. Plenty of people WILL be loving and kind to you. But not if there are a ton of douchebags taking up all your time. Kick the douchebags to the curb, then develop a sense of what TRULY kind and caring people are like, and then seek THEM out. Hint: they may not all be hot and glamorous, but if that's okay with you, if you don't let shallow concerns get in the way of deep meaningful human connection, then you will do just fine. I have done this in my own life, as have many of my dearest friends. Just be a little bit more cautious at first blush, is all, and wait for people to show their true colours, because they will, given time.

Maybe you've failed thus far because every time you've tried to build a relationship based on mutual support and affection you've screwed it up with your own insecurities - not everyone is trying to manipulate you. Telling you their secrets, confiding in you, and causing you to have an emotional reaction does not constitute "manipulation", that's just emotional reality. You don't even know what kind of person you are, so don't try to define yourself as a nice person before the fact. You're a confused person, thrashing about, feeling threatened and mistreated by people around you, and those are just confused people, thrashing about and feeling threatened and mistreated. Don't think for a second that blaming the world for being full of selfish people, and deciding to be selfish yourself will suddenly make you satisfied. It rains on the just and the unjust alike. Their lives are just as miserable.

If being "kind" is who you are or who you want to be, it shouldn't matter how other people react to that. Be authentic and you will attract the people who value who you are. If you're "kind" so people will like you, you'll always be disappointed.