Nerve Dating Confessions

You're describing sexual abuse

You are being abused- call 911, or go to a police station.

Yeah, seriously, this sounds awful. Get out as soon as you can.

Leave. This is abuse.

It's not that easy - I don't live in USA it would bring shame to my family, very hard to explain. I am basically stuck with this guy unless my father agrees but he won't because that will disgrace him and cause problem for my family.

He's your *boyfriend*, and your father is fine with him having sex with you? When you don't want to? I suggest you tell your father than he rapes you, because that is, apparently, what is happening. Maybe that will change his mind.

Can you talk to your parents about this? Can you tell them that you feel unsafe and you're being hurt? No parent would want their child in this situation. Seek out help OP. You can't continue going on like this. You need to get this guy out of your life.

If your family is more concerned about their "disgrace" than your well-being, than you're better off without them!

Plan your escape. Maybe go to the doctor twice. Go once beforehand and tell them (a sympathetic doctor) what the problem is. Try to see if they will be open to telling your new bf what to do. Then go see this doctor with your bf so the doc can explain to your bf. This sounds like repeated rape within an appalling relationship, and it doesn't sound like your family will help. So - plan your escape. Do you want to be stuck with your bf ? And I notice you say bf, not husband ? There are help places usually for people of certain ethnicities, but not always that ethnicity. Get a smartphone. There is a forced marriage app http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-20771678 and in england If you are worried that you might be forced into a marriage or are worried about someone else who may be you should contact us on 020 7008 0151 (or 0044 20 7008 0151 if you are overseas). Do this regardless of whether you are english. It sounds like you have a green card and are muslim. Be prepared to never or rarely see your family (sounds like this is happening anyway). This is from the uk : Anyone wanting to contact the Honour Network can do so by telephoning 0800 5999 247. (Forced marriage and shit like that is common there. I'm writing about the doctor because this may stop your "bf" having sex like that with you, it may make him gentler, etc. Do this (not the doctor) in secret. It sounds like you are in a country where the doctors are accustomed to this ? If this is the case, they may not help you, and your "bf" may think you are sneaky, etc. BE CAREFUL. When plotting your escape you want to be as free as possible. So only get your bf to go to the doctor if you know the doctor will be on your side. If you research on the internet how to escape, cover your tracks. Delete everything including cookies. Hide everything. Don't worry, a lot of women have had to do this also. Good luck. If you want more advice, let me know.

that sucks. Step 1 is to obviously use condoms or birth control (a diaphram!) spermicide, something. Don't want a baby with that jerk! Step 2 is talk to your guy if you can't leave the situation. History is full of brutes who have been civilized by their women. I'm sure he doesn't want to actually think he is abusing you. Make it clear that you are not happy, fight him, yell at him! If that doesn't change his behaviour, then the more trouble your fighting raises, the more "shame will be brought to your family " anyways. And that's a good thing. If you make a big enough stink your father will have to agree. Be brave, good luck.

Also, JAN trust has a helpline 0800 141 2994 (england again), it's free and provides stuff also in urdu, punjabi and english. Good luck. I feel for you.

HL - Thank you for your concern. You understand, yes this is a forced marriage I have been sold to him, his father is very rich. custom here is to date bf before marriage but that just means you see him to have sex to make sure you are good in bed for him. If I am not good I will disgrace my family, they will have to return money. I cannot be sold again because I am no longer a virgin, many times girls will be killed by family for disgracing them and because we cannot be sold again. I will consider your thoughts they seem good.

wow. i never thought i'd come across this type of situation. feminism must go on stronger. i can't believe things like that happen.

I'd say - fuck the money, make your escape. Call up the lines (they're all in england), escape and COVER YOUR TRACKS. Make sure no one EVEN SUSPECTS what you are doing before you do it. And think about using contraception like the pill or something. Would your bf like it ? Say you want to remain beautiful and not pregnant or something. Babies after marriage, something like that. You'll be a more beautiful bride when not pregnant, just make up lies. It'll help you if you are not pregnant. If you are, no big deal. Escape your primary aim. Behave as though you normally would. And if you feel lonely, think about all the other women in the same situation. Don't let anyone know the numbers and website you have been calling and visiting. All the best :)

And - you're welcome

Yikes, sometimes I think we all just assume everybody on this site is in the United States. And Sometimes with the economy talk and the fiscal cliff nonsense and all that noise we take for granted how good we have it here. Good luck op, I really hope you can find away out, hopefully HL resources can set you free. There is a much better life waiting for you "out there". This is humbling for sure, I pray you find a better life. *hugs*

good luck woman. you do not deserve to be treated like that. I hope you can find a way out. It sounds like you can't talk to your family but there must be some other women you can talk to and hopefully a good doctor. It will be up to you to speak to this man very strongly and let him know he cannot hurt you like that if you are supposed to last a lifetime together. He probably does not know anything about female bodies. Tell him he might damage your womb if he is too rough. You are a beautiful flower and he tramples like a child in a garden. He must touch with love or the blooms will cease!

Where are you from op? Can you leave? Do you have a place to go?